Let’s face it…men are generally not known for their vast understanding of the female body.  They cringe at the mere mention of “female problems,” and just watch the men in a room scramble for cover if menstruation is mentioned.  So, it is not surprising that getting your man to understand menopause takes some doing, but perhaps an informed man will be a compassionate one.

It could be that your man simply has no idea what is going on with your body right now.  Ignorance may be bliss in some instances, but when a woman is going through such a dramatic physiological and psychological change it would behoove her man to have some sort of knowledge of what to expect.  If your man is willing to learn the details, then by all means let him know what you’re going through.  Perhaps he doesn’t realize that when your face turns beet red and you make a mad dash to stick your head in the freezer that this is a result of a hot flash; maybe he thinks you’re having an ice cream craving. 

Know that your man can be a valued ally when it comes to dealing with menopause.  An article published by the American Psychological Association suggests that when it comes to menopausal women there is something to be said for a happy marriage.  Women are less likely to report menopausal depression if they are happily married than if they are single or if they are in an unhappy marriage.  Hence, even if he never truly understands what you’re going through he is still helping you by simply being his old charming self.

You could always try approaching menopause as an issue that you and your man will tackle together as a team.  After all, men generally love team sports and they love solving problems.  If you arm your man with enough knowledge and in return take the time to listen to what he’s saying, you may find it refreshing to discover that he truly cares about what you’re going through and he may even have some helpful suggestions.  After all, you’re relatively new at this menopause thing too, and he can read just as much research as you can.  While it’s true that you’re the one having to deal with all the discomforts so he can never truly appreciate what it is you’re going through, wouldn’t it be great to mention to him an issue and then have him reply with, “you know honey, I just read an article about that and here is what they said could ease your discomfort” or something to that effect? When trying to get him to understand menopause, make your mantra “Accept Suggestions,” even if at times you find yourself murmuring your new mantra through gritted teeth.  He’s only trying to help, after all.

You know your man better than anyone else, so use what you know about him to assist you in getting him to understand what you’re going through.  Using hot flashes for examples, let’s demonstrate to him what you’re feeling.  Is he a visual learner? Show him your reddened face.  Is he a kinesthetic learner? Put his hands on your reddened face.  Is he an auditory learner? While he’s touching your reddened face, make the sound of sizzling bacon.  Okay, so that’s a bit silly, but you know him best so use whatever works for you. 

When all else fails, mention to your husband that some researchers believe men actually go through a “male menopause,” marked by a decrease in sexual desire, weight gain, and other psychological and physiological symptoms.  Whether you believe this to be true or not, perhaps acknowledging to your man that you understand how difficult it would be to go through something like this might get the wheels turning in his head that what you’re experiencing is sometimes no picnic. Yes, there are actually books published on this subject, so maybe you can conveniently place one in the bathroom and see if he emerges from the trip to the toilet with a whole new respect for what you’re going through.  Just be ready to dish out some sympathy for his newfound ailments resulting from his male menopause.